Message Found in a Bottle

[pameladean]

Well, technically, in a dusty stack of papers that somehow got shoved on top of a filing cabinet and then buried in other stuff.

For former Fidonet aficionados, I reproduce the message format as near as may be.

To: Pamela C. Dean          Message #: 6844          6837 Thread

From: John M. Ford          Submitted: 30 Jun 93 00:17:00

Subject: Whitling Down the Masses      Status: Public


"Good morning, Mr. Baggins.  The man you're looking at is Sauron, Dark Lord of Mordor.  Sauron has placed his power in these rings, which transform his subordinates into creatures hostile to the ideals of Western democracy.  Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to destroy the One Ring and liberate Middle Earth.  As always, should you or any of your Company be caught or killed, the Elf-Kings will disavow any knowledge of your actions.  This inscription will self-destruct in five heartbeats.  Good luck, Frodo."


---


  * Origin: The Terraboard, Mpls MN: Home of the SF Echo (1:282/341)

=-=-=-=-

Pamela

While on the subject of Tolkien...

[tool-of-satan.livejournal.com]

I don't remember the details, but someone must have started the usual Tolkien-in-other-authors'-styles game.

From speceng@visi.com Tue Feb 5 14:30:08 2002
Path: pyramid.sjgames.com!not-for-mail
From: speceng@visi.com (John M. Ford)
Newsgroups: sjgames.chatter.books
Subject: Re: LotR in several ever-handy alternate worlds...
Date: Mon, 4 Feb 2002 18:44:04 +0000 (UTC)
Organization: Steve Jackson Games Pyranews
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Xref: pyramid.sjgames.com sjgames.chatter.books:10233

Okay, too much fun not to play.

NUMENOR NINE by Tom Clancy

At Elrond's Moria West Op Center, technicians were bent over their
glowing palantiri.
"So where are they?" the half-elf asked tensely.
"On the beach, sir," replied the monitoring officer. "We have one main
body of orcs moving toward them from the south=southeast. Not that I've ever
seen more than one main body of orcs."
There was a laugh, breaking the tension in the room. The Dwarven
Military Attache said, "Ein gruppe of individual bodies, now dot's different,"
and the room rang with laughs until Elrond said coolly, "Execute Shire Mist."
Leagues away, Elven stealth helicopters sliced through the gathering dark
with no more sound than a Black Rider on Robitussin. Ahead of them, the orcs
showed up reflected in moonlight and starlight. Belly pods opened on each
chopper and released softly hissing clouds of Pipeweed-R5.
On the beachfront, Aragorn was readying Merry and Pippin for Operation
Short Cut. In their night goggles and CW masks, the halflings looked a bit
like Orcs themselves. They were mounted up on Dwarvischen Motor Werke bikes,
Heckler & Kochs slung ready.
"Take care and stay lucky, you chowhounds," the Ranger said. The hobbits
flashed thumbs up and rolled out on electric flywheels. The bikes were black,
but anything but stealthy. When the 2000cc motors kicked in, they would draw
every orc in the neighborhood. That was the whole idea.
A whiff of pipeweed drifted across the staging area. In the distance,
the sound of drugged Orcs hitting the peat could be heard. Gimli muttered to
Legolas, "You ever use that stuff?"
"I didn't inhale," the Elf joked back.
"Smoke on the water, out," Aragorn said into his throat mike, then broke
the uplink and told the others,, "Frodo and Sam are in the Zodiacs and moving
out. Let's --"
"I got signature," Boromir shouted, and grabbed a flare from his belt.
He cracked it and lit up the forest just as a missile tore through the trees.
The team hit the dirt as the heatseeker swerved to home on the flare. . . .


And then of course there's . . .
BUT THE EYE IS FAMILIAR by Terry Brooks

Ditto. Ditto, likewise. What he said. That too. Same here. Couldn't have
said it better myself.


John M. Ford
Div. of Inappropriate Technology
Evil Geniuses for a Better Tomorrow
Creators of TOLKEIN RING NETWORKS:
Finally, Us Geeks Can Tell This Joke to Mundanes and Get A Laugh, Sorta